


I feel fine

by bluecalicocat



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Fainting, Friendship, Gen, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Blood, Phobias, Worry, does jisung have a panic attack?, fuck if i know, i am once again projecting, maybe???, this is about jisung and his fear of blood/needles/hospitals so dont read if that bothers you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27782539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecalicocat/pseuds/bluecalicocat
Summary: Jisung stands, even though his legs feel way too weak for him to be walking right now, and heads to the door. He just has to get out of here so he can sit down in the waiting room, and he'll be fine. Just a few more steps. He just needs to sit down and breathe for a bit, and it'll be fine. Jisung is sure of it.The second the door closes behind him, he collapses.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han, Han Jisung | Han & Everyone, Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han & Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han & Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 10
Kudos: 257





	I feel fine

Jisung isn't afraid of hospitals. He swears he isn't.

Sure, he doesn't like having to get his blood drawn, and maybe he looks away every time there's a needle involved, but it's not like it actually scares him. Not mentally, at least. He doesn't _think_ he's afraid of blood or needles or hospitals. The idea of those things doesn't bother him.

His body, on the other hand... Jisung has never been in full control of his physical reaction whenever any of those things are involved. He can't help it.

Him and the rest of the members are only here for a health checkup. The rest of them are out in the waiting room, or maybe with another nurse in one of the other rooms, but either way, Jisung is alone in here. The nurse has already checked his temperature and put that thing on Jisung's finger that he still isn't sure what it does, exactly (measures his pulse? the oxygen in his blood? something like that).

Apparently, the next thing is his blood.

The nurse smiles gently at him before sticking his finger and Jisung looks away. It doesn't hurt, but he feels it. A tiny prick, barely more than a mosquito bite, and it doesn't bother him at all. Seriously. He's completely calm right now, and he hadn't been nervous leading up to it, so he's as fine as you can be. No problem.

His blood circulation turns out to suck, because the nurse has to press his finger together several times to get even a drop of blood out. She mumbles something about cold fingers, and Jisung sneaks a glance to see how close she is to filling up the... straw? It looks like a straw, the thing she's putting the blood in. There's blood all over his finger, but it's such a thin layer, it looks like far more than there actually is. Jisung realized this. He's not stupid. It doesn't bother him, not at all.

Then she's done and goes to put the blood sample away. In the sterile room, the only thing he can focus on is his own body and how it feels, which probably isn't the best for him. He's hyper-aware of his own breathing, which seems to have gotten more shallow, and his head is a little too light. He can't explain why he feels like he's going to throw up. The feeling hits him out of nowhere.

Jisung pulls open the zipper on his hoodie, feeling uncomfortably warm all of a sudden. The room had been a bit chilly only a minute ago. He has no idea how it could turn around that quickly.

His head only feels lighter, and Jisung almost thinks his eyes are going to roll back. He recognizes this feeling. Dizziness. It feels exactly like that one time he actually did pass out after getting his blood drawn, but he hadn't eaten anything the entire day that time, plus he was 13 years old. It's been a long time since then, and that's still the only time he has fainted after getting his blood drawn.

There are some small black dots dancing around in his field of vision. Jisung wonders if he's going to pass out. This would probably be a pretty good place to do it, considering there's a nurse right here, but he really doesn't feel like doing that. Not if he can avoid it.

Five minutes pass. Or, maybe it's ten seconds. Jisung's thoughts are way too muffled for him to tell. He takes his hoodie off and puts an arm on the gurney he's sitting on, leaning on it a bit too heavily to be casual. His fingers are tingling, and when he glances down at them, they're shaking.

Then the nurse is back in front of him. She has a very kind face, Jisung thinks, and she's only ever spoken gently to him, which he appreciates a lot. Some doctors can be sort of demanding in the way they ask questions. This nurse is not like that.

Her lips move, and it takes him a few seconds to realize what she's saying. They're finished. He can go back to the others now.

"Oh", Jisung says dumbly. His brain tries to put an actual sentence together, but it's too much effort, so he settles for a small smile and hopes that it can convey what he wants to say. "Thank you."

The nurse hesitates for a second before speaking next.

"Are you feeling okay otherwise?" she asks, and Jisung notices how her eyes briefly pass over his shaking fingers. Maybe they're not as unnoticeable as he had thought.

He smiles at her again and starts to pull his hoodie back on. The room is growing more chilly, and Jisung can feel how sweaty he is now. Weird, considering he hadn't even been feeling hot for that long.

"I'm fine. Thank you."

She nods before turning back to the desk in the room. Jisung stands, even though his legs feel way too weak for him to be walking right now, and heads to the door. He just has to get out of here so he can sit down in the waiting room again, and he'll be fine. Just a few more steps. He just needs to sit down and breathe for a bit, and it'll be fine. Jisung is sure of it.

The second the door closes behind him, he collapses.

"Jisung!"

He's no longer aware of his own body by the time he hits the floor, nor does he hear the voices yelling around him.

His head has been filled with cotton, and it's as if he is looking over a highway from a bird's perspective. The rush of the wind is the only thing he can hear. Far below him, specks of color move in blurry motions, fading into each other as if they're all just part of one big stream. They probably are.

Something as trivial as 'time' doesn't exist in this place. Jisung keeps watching the scene and listening to the wind, and there's nowhere else for him to be, so he lets the colors take over. It's better that way.

He has no idea how long he's floating above the highway. When it eventually fades out of view, a much more boring, white wall takes its place. There's a face in front of the wall, a face with two eyes that are turned to Jisung, and Jisung realizes he's on the floor.

Right. He must have passed out.

The face, he realizes, is Chan's face, and his leader is watching him with worried eyes. It takes another second for him to notice that Chan has a hand under his knees and is holding his legs up. Jisung vaguely recalls a similar situation from seven years ago, when he was 13 and had just fainted for the first time.

That time, his dad had been the one holding his legs up, and now it's Chan. It's funny how that works. Parallels.

"What happened?" he finds himself asking, even though he knows exactly what happened. Maybe better than Chan does.

Chan gives him a worried look, but he doesn't seem surprised that Jisung is awake.

"You passed out. Stay still, we're waiting for the nurse to get back. She went to get you something to eat, to get your blood sugar up."

Jisung tries to nod, but his head is still on the floor so it doesn't work all that well. He settles for just staying still, like Chan told him to. Jisung wonders if he hit his head when he fell. If he did, he doesn't feel any pain from it. At least not right now.

"Where are the others?" he decides to ask. His mind still feels kinda fuzzy, as if all his thoughts are in some secret code that has to be deciphered before he can understand and express them.

"Most of them are with our manager in the waiting room right next to us, but the nurse told them to stay back so you don't get overwhelmed. Binnie and Lix are doing their checkups right now, so they're in two of the rooms. Do you want me to keep talking?"

Bless Chan and his considerate heart. He must have figured that Jisung could use a distraction.

"Yes, please."

For the few minutes it takes the nurse to return, Chan doesn't stop talking. He tells Jisung which members have already done their checkups while keeping his voice calm, which in turn helps Jisung keep calm. He honestly thinks he could fall asleep like this, if the floor wasn't so uncomfortable under his head.

When the nurse returns, she has a bottled drink in one hand and an apple in the other. She sends Jisung a smile after noticing that he's awake.

"You can put his legs down", the nurse instructs Chan, crouching next to them. "And help him sit up. Slowly, very slowly. Jisung, you let us know if anything feels off."

Chan moves so he can help Jisung sit, which Jisung might be a tad too excited to do, if the expression on the nurse's face is anything to go by. In his defense, he really isn't vibing with the thought of staying on the floor any longer. So many people must have walked here. Also, they're still within view of the waiting room, which makes him feel watched even though he knows that the only people in there are his members and their manager.

Once Jisung is in a sitting position, the nurse hands him the drink, but Chan's hand stays on his lower back in a silent show of support. Or maybe he's just worried that Jisung is going to tip over again. Either way, it's nice to know that he's there.

Jisung drinks carefully. He still feels like he's being watched (which he is), but he doesn't really have the energy to care about it. Besides, he understands that they're just making sure he's fine. And he is fine, he really is.

"Do you think you can walk to that chair over there?" the nurse asks, gesturing to one of the seats in the small waiting area. Jisung looks over in that direction and sees the other members, very obviously trying to pretend that they're not staring at him.

He turns to the nurse and nods. With the nurse's and Chan's help, Jisung gets up from the floor and walks the few steps over to the empty seat. Chan sits next to him, and the nurse hands the drink and the apple to Chan as soon as he's seated.

"Make sure he eats, and I'll be back to check on him before you leave. I believe it was just low blood sugar that caused him to pass out, but if there's anything else, please let me know."

She looks over at Jisung, who is seriously starting to suspect that she's some soft of empath, because apparently she gets everything she needs just from looking at him. The woman smiles at him before turning to go back into her office.

The moment she starts to leave, the rest of the members get up from their seats.

"Jisung!"

"Are you okay?"

"What happened?"

Their manager tries to hold them back, but he looks just as worried as them, and all of his attempts are very half-hearted. Jisung doesn't miss the concerned glance the man sends him, even as he tells the rest of them to sit back down.

Some of them (read: Hyunjin and Jeongin) do as their manager says and sit down, but some of them (read: Minho and Seungmin) remain standing as they wait for Jisung to answer, too worried to listen to him.

"I'm fine", Jisung says, sending them a small smile, and it's true. He really does feel pretty okay. His head is still a bit too light and his legs probably won't hold his weight if he tries to walk on them right now, but that's fine. It'll be fine. "I just got dizzy."

Seungmin squints at him suspiciously, and Minho raises his eyebrows.

"Out of nowhere?" Minho questions.

"Your worry is manifesting as annoyance right now", Chan comments lightly, and it sounds a lot like he's quoting something. He probably is. "Sit down, both of you. Jisungie still has to eat. You can interrogate him after."

Seungmin sits down first, and after a few seconds of staring at Jisung as if that's going to tell him anything about the younger's condition, Minho follows suit.

Jisung has just taken the apple from Chan when a door opens and a familiar voice speaks.

"What's going on?" Changbin asks. When everyone looks at him, they see Changbin approaching their group as he takes in the situation. His eyes land on Chan and Jisung, sitting on the side opposite from everyone else. He frowns. "Why does Jisung look so pale?"

"Sit down", Chan orders, not needing more members to fret over Jisung at the moment. He can do that well enough on his own, thank you very much. "At least let him finish his apple before you freak out over this, okay?"

"So there is something wrong?" Changbin asks as he takes a seat next to Hyunjin, eyes still on Chan. "You just told me not to freak out. That has to mean there's something for me to freak out over, which means there's something wrong."

Jisung hides a grin behind his apple and keeps eating, glad that he doesn't have to be involved in this. As entertaining as it is, Changbin is the type of person who would fight a wall if he found out that one of his friends had accidentally walked into one. It's generally a nice quality, but when there's no exact cause, it's hard for him to know where to direct that protectiveness.

"I just passed out, but I feel fine", Jisung says before taking another bite of the apple. Changbin widens his eyes, staring at the younger. At least he doesn't freak out. He deserves some credit for that.

Changbin's voice is a bit unsure as he responds.

"You sure? Why did you pass out?"

Jisung stays quiet, but lucky for him, Chan comes to his rescue.

"The nurse guessed it was low blood sugar, but I already told Minho that we're saving the interrogation until later. For now, we'll just finish the health checkups and let this one rest for a bit."

He puts his hand on Jisung's shoulder, and the sudden added weight makes Jisung realize that he's curling in on himself. Not because he's uncomfortable or anything, but sitting up straight takes too much effort, and he doesn't have that sort of energy at the moment.

"Interrogation?" Hyunjin repeats. He catches Jisung's eyes across the room and makes an expression that perfectly reflects how Jisung feels about the word, and the younger boy giggles softly at that. Hyunjin's face shifts into a smile.

"Not an interrogation", Chan says at the exact same time as Minho goes, "Yeah, the interrogation."

While those two turn to stare at each other in surprise, Changbin keeps looking at Jisung.

"But you're okay now?" he asks. Jisung takes a few seconds to finish chewing before he nods.

"Yeah, I feel fine."

For the time being, they leave it at that.

-

Truth be told, Jisung is scared. The whole fainting thing freaks him out more than he lets on, even more so because he's struggling to pin down the cause of it all.

Or... maybe it's the exact opposite of that. It's so easy for him to pick out the exact moment the dizziness started, the moment his fingers started shaking and the chilly room suddenly felt too hot for him, but it's not the explanation he wants and that's why he can't accept it.

When he was a kid, he used to believe he was afraid of needles. Then he realized that he was fine with vaccines, and only struggled with having his blood drawn, so he figured that it was the blood that bothered him. Then he realized that he's completely fine with blood in other contexts, even though it definitely wasn't the most comfortable, at least it never caused him to panic or anything. Calling it a phobia felt like a bit much, so he assumed he had gotten over it.

The thing is, he still thinks like that. Needles and blood and hospitals don't bother him, and if it was a real fear, there should be anxiety leading up to it, right? What happens for him is all physical, none of it is in his head. It's all just his body's reaction to things that he's completely okay with in theory.

It doesn't make sense, and that's why he's scared.

"How do you feel?" Chan asks once they're cleared to leave the hospital. Felix, the last member to complete his checkup, has been caught up on the situation and has now joined the other members as they watch Jisung carefully, though they're keeping a respectable distance.

Jisung feels like shit, but he's not about to tell Chan that. He tries to glance at his fingers without bringing too much attention to it, just to see if they're still shaking, but of course he can't get away with it when he has seven worried members plus one worried manager all watching him like hawks.

"His hands are still shaking", Seungmin says before Jisung can respond. "And he still looks really pale."

Chan looks him over, probably searching for more signs that he's not okay, before his eyes meet Jisung's.

"Is it okay if I carry you?" he asks. Not a 'do you want me to carry you?' or 'do you need me to carry you?', just a question to make sure that Jisung is okay with it.

He should have figured they would see right through him.

"Yeah", Jisung mumbles, and Chan smiles. He gets up from his seat and crouches on the floor in front of Jisung, taking the younger's legs under his arms at the same time as Jisung leans forward. The boy puts his arms loosely around Chan's neck before the older stands up.

Felix appears on their right as Chan starts walking, smiling up at Jisung and putting a hand on his knee. Jisung lets go of Chan with one hand and holds it out for Felix, and the other boy quickly moves his hand from Jisung's knee to grab his hand instead. They walk all the way to the car like that.

Outside, they have to split up in two groups, one for each car. Jisung, Chan and Felix end up in the same one, since they'd been walking together already, and they're joined by Changbin, who takes the passenger seat.

Jisung struggles with his seat belt more than usual, his hands too weak to get a proper grip on it. Felix notices and reaches over to do it for him. He takes Jisung's hand once he's done, using his thumb to rub comforting circles on Jisung's skin. It's nice.

On the other side of him, Chan is on his phone, fingers moving over the screen as he types. When he feels Jisung's eyes on him, he looks up and offers a small smile.

"I'm texting Minho", he explains. "He wanted to know if we have something for you to eat in case you feel bad again, but I still have the juice you got from the nurse. Do you want more of that, by the way?"

"No, I'm just tired now", Jisung answers honestly. His limbs are heavier than normal, and he can't wait to get home so he can collapse in his bed. Or, maybe the couch, since it seems the other members want to talk to him before he's allowed to disappear off the face of the earth for the next few days.

"You can sleep", Chan says, lowering his phone and shuffling closer to Jisung, even though they're already pressed as close to each other as possible. He puts a hand on Jisung's head and guides it to rest on his shoulder. It's probably not the nicest position for Chan, but Jisung can feel his eyelids grow heavier just from the simple gesture as the movement of the car lulls him to sleep.

He barely has time to mumble out a 'thank you' before he's out cold.

-

Jisung is still in a sleepy haze when they walk up to the dorm, and he doesn't really register anything that's going on. He can assume that his hands have stopped shaking, since no one is staring at them, but not much else. Felix is still holding his hand. If it wasn't for the other boy, Jisung is pretty sure he would have walked into at least one door by now. He's so tired.

The other car got home before them, so the other four members are already inside when they get there. Jisung nearly stumbles over the threshold, but he's once again saved by Felix, who pulls him upright with a worried look.

"Sorry", Jisung mumbles, but Felix only shakes his head and adjusts his grip on Jisung's hand. He gives a small squeeze, as if he's telling Jisung that it's okay.

"Family meeting in the living room?" Chan asks as he passes by. Jisung nods at him, because the sooner they talk, the sooner he can go to sleep, and that's all he really cares about at the moment.

Felix doesn't let go of him as they walk to the couch and get seated. They can hear Chan walking around to call the rest of the members to the living room, and it doesn't take long before they're all here, spread out around the room. Everyone has their eyes turned to Chan, but they sneak a few glances at Jisung.

"So, I think we all know what we need to talk about", Chan starts in a light tone before turning to Jisung. "Jisungie, do you wanna start?"

"I don't really know what to say..." he mumbles, not sure where to start with all of this. Does he need to tell them about the last time he passed out a hospital? Or should he start with the reason he think he fainted today? After all, he's not sure about any of it, so it's hard to know what's important to share.

Chan smiles at him.

"That's okay." It looks like he's about to say more, but Minho speaks up before he even has the chance to open his mouth.

"Did you eat breakfast today?" Minho asks, looking at Jisung imploringly. His gaze is intense.

Jisung blinks, not having expected the question, but it makes sense. The nurse said that he passed out from low blood sugar so obviously the members would be concerned about whether or not he's eaten today. To them, that probably seems like the most obvious cause.

"Uh, yeah, I did."

"And did you sleep last night?"

The fact that Minho referred to this as an interrogation earlier is starting to make sense.

"Yeah."

Minho still seems a bit wary, but he nods at Jisung's answers, hearing the honesty in his voice. Chan glances between them. He must come to the conclusion that Minho is done with his questioning for the time being, because he turns to Jisung.

"Do you know why you passed out today?" Chan asks. His voice is softer, more gentle, as if speaking too harshly would startle Jisung. Maybe it would.

"I don't..." Jisung struggles to find the right words. "I mean, I guess I have an idea...? But not really, no."

"That's okay. Maybe you could tell us about when you started feeling dizzy? What happened right before you left the doctor's room?"

Jisung takes a breath, and Felix squeezes his hand again as he thinks about how to explain. He keeps his eyes on the floor when he talks.

"It started with just feeling a bit lightheaded, then I noticed my hands were shaking and I was sweating... It felt like I was gonna pass out or throw up, but I thought it would be fine if I got out of there."

"Do you have any idea what caused it?"

"I think it was when she drew my blood that I started feeling dizzy."

The room is quiet as they all think, and a few glances are exchanged between the members.

"Do you... Is it possible that you have a phobia of blood, or maybe needles?" Chan then asks.

Jisung frowns, because that's the question he finds it the hardest to answer. Is it possible? Yes. Would it make sense? No, not really, because he's not afraid. If it was a phobia, he shouldn't be this fine with thinking about it, right? Blood or needles should bother him.

When he doesn't answer, the others take it as a sign to start talking.

"You didn't seem nervous before you went in", Changbin comments. "You were fine on the way there and in the waiting room. Or, you seemed fine to me at least."

"That's because I was fine", Jisung says. At the disbelief on his members' faces, he continues, his voice a bit more insistent. "Seriously, I was fine. I wasn't nervous or anxious or anything. Everything that happened, all the symptoms, they were only physical. I'm not freaked out by blood or needles or hospitals or whatever the fuck it was that made me react like that, but apparently my body is scared even when my brain isn't."

Chan glances at him warily before speaking.

"I don't mean to sound like I'm questioning you, I really just need to make sure. Are you sure you're not just in denial about it? Or that you're not repressing your anxiety, or something?"

He doesn't sound like he's trying to question Jisung, so the younger isn't offended by this. Jisung shakes his head.

"No, I really don't think I am. I mean, sometimes I'm uncomfortable with mentions of blood if it's too descriptive or if there's, like, a lot of it, but... Not like this. It's a little uncomfortable. Not the type of terrifying fear that would make me panic so badly, I swear."

"I believe you", Chan is quick to ensure him. "I just had to make sure."

"And that's why it's so frustrating", Jisung continues. Felix is still holding his hand, occasionally rubbing the skin on his palm, and the sensation reminds him not to get too heated. Jisung takes another breath. "It feels like I should be afraid of something, because it sounds kind of like I'm having a panic attack, but not really...? I don't know, it just doesn't really make sense."

Chan frowns, looking like he's deep in thought.

"Well..." he starts. "If we assume that the problem is with blood and needles, at least we know what to be careful about. You shouldn't have to get your blood drawn that often. Do you think you wanna talk to a doctor about this, hear if they think it's a phobia or something else?"

Jisung blinks.

"You want me to go to a hospital, to get rid of my fear of hospitals?"

Chan blinks back at him.

"Okay, when you put it like that..."

Jisung grins, and the air in the room feels a little lighter after that.

"How do you feel right now?" Seungmin asks, and Jisung almost wants to laugh. Of course that observant little shit would be the one to pick up on how he's feeling. Seungmin has been quiet until now, but he's obviously been paying attention.

"Tired", Jisung replies. 

That's an understatement. He feels like his veins are filled with cement, weighing him down and making his limbs move in slow motion. His brain also feels oddly empty of thoughts, which is weird considering how fast his mind usually works.

Felix squeezes his hand again, and Chan smiles at him.

"You can go to sleep, Sungie. Unless anyone else has something to say?"

He looks around at the rest of them, but they all shake their heads.

"Good. I think now that we know about this, we can be better prepared for the next time. We'll be there for you next time, don't worry."

Jisung smiles.

-

Their next health checkup is half a year later. Jisung doesn't think it's any different from last time, he doesn't feel more worried about it, but his members are acting different. Maybe it's because they didn't know how Jisung's body sometimes reacts to blood back then, but they do now, so it makes sense that they're more worried.

He knows Changbin has said that Jisung is the member he looks out for the most, and it shows in the way he keeps asking Jisung if he's okay. Minho and Jisung have always had a special connection, and Jisung notices the glances Minho keeps sending him to make sure he's is doing okay. And obviously Chan is the leader, so he carries a lot of responsibility for their whole team. It's natural that they're the ones most concerned for him. Jisung appreciates it, really.

That being said, all three of them at the same time can be a bit overbearing. Just a bit.

After promising Chan for the fifth time this morning that he's fine, really, he manages to escape the car that his three hyungs are in and instead ends up taking the window seat next to Seungmin. The other boy only grins at him, having heard their three older members go on about this the entire morning.

"You look relieved to have gotten rid of them", Hyunjin comments from the front seat, looking back at Jisung with a knowing smile.

"I'm not!" Jisung protests. "I love them."

"But you think they're annoying", Seungmin says. When Jisung shakes his head, he corrects himself. "Or you think they're overbearing. You don't even have to admit it, it's too obvious."

Jisung pouts.

"No, it's not."

"Is Chan hyung going with you to the doctor?" Jeongin asks from Seungmin's other side, changing the subject before they can take it any further. Jisung turns to look at him.

"I dunno. Depends on what order they call us in, I guess."

Chan had asked him about it this morning, but they can't decide what order the nurses are going to call them in, so it honestly depends on who's still in the waiting room when Jisung gets called. He agrees that he'd rather have someone go with him, but it doesn't necessarily have to be Chan. Whoever is there and willing to go with him is fine.

The drive there doesn't take long. Jisung spends the time watching over Seungmin's shoulder as the other plays some game, offering commentary that's probably more distracting than helpful, and cheering happily whenever Seungmin wins.

The other four are waiting for them outside the hospital when they get there. Jisung barely has time to step out the car before Felix is by his side, smiling at Jisung and taking his hand. He smiles back at Felix, and they walk inside together.

Chan and their manager deal with getting everyone checked in at the reception, while the rest of the members go to take their seats in the small waiting room. Most of them are talking, and Jisung is in the middle of a discussion with Felix about how moral it would be to name a child Gucci when the first nurse comes out.

"Bang Christopher Chan?"

She butchers the pronunciation of "Christopher" pretty badly, but Chan is too busy casting worried glances at Jisung to notice. He stands up, still not looking away from the younger, even as Jisung waves for him to leave.

"I'll be fine", he says with a small smile. "Literally everyone else is here with me, you can go."

Chan nods slowly. After a final look at Jisung to make sure that he'll be fine, Chan turns to leave with the nurse for his own checkup.

Hyunjin is called next, and after him, Jeongin. Jisung still isn't feeling nervous. He dislikes the way these white walls make him feel trapped, and he's not exactly comfortable when he thinks about what's about to happen, but it's hard to believe that this feeling could lead to a panic attack.

By the time Jisung's name gets called, the only people in the waiting room with him are Minho and Hyunjin, who has gotten back from his own checkup by now.

Minho makes a move as if to follow Jisung, but Hyunjin hurries to stand.

"Hyung, they're gonna call your name any minute. I'll go with Jisung instead."

Minho nods at them, giving Jisung a small smile that the younger reciprocates before going with Hyunjin to follow after the nurse. They're lead into a similar room as last time. Jisung takes a seat on the gurney, while Hyunjin sits in a chair next to it. The nurse is the same woman as before, and that alone is calming to him.

Everything goes smoothly. The blood test is the last part, so Hyunjin mostly sits there in silence while Jisung answers the nurse's question and lets her check him over. Then, when the time comes for her to take Jisung's blood, Hyunjin moves closer so he can hold the hand that the nurse isn't using. Jisung gives him a tense smile.

"Don't look", Hyunjin whispers as the nurse disinfects his finger. Jisung squeezes his hand and pointedly turns his eyes away.

It's so weird. He's not bothered by the tiny prick he feels, nor is he bothered by the thought of blood, but his body still reacts the same way.

The nurse has already moved to put away the sample, and Jisung leans toward Hyunjin, not having the strength to stay upright any longer. Hyunjin frowns at this, but moves to sit on the gurney to let Jisung lean against him.

"I'm warm", Jisung mumbles, struggling to get his hoodie open. He looks toward the door and wonders how soon he can get out of here. Hyunjin's face isn't visible to him from this angle, but he feels how the other boy puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Sungie, you're sweating and you look really pale. Are you okay?"

It takes Jisung several seconds to comprehend the question, and that only makes Hyunjin worry more.

"Dizzy. Can we leave now?"

Hyunjin turns to the nurse just as she turns back to look at them again. She sends them both a smile.

"There, you're done for the day."

Jisung mumbles a 'thank you' before grabbing Hyunjin's hand and standing up. His legs are a little wobbly, but he's good enough to walk.

He's too out of it to notice anything until they're already seated in the waiting room again. Jisung looks around them and sees that Chan, Jeongin and one of their managers are here as well. He doesn't recall walking here from the nurse's office. It's like his brain took a shortcut. Everything's a bit foggy, but it's clearing up bit by bit. At least he made it to a seat without fainting this time.

His eyes meet Chan's, and from the look of it, the older has been trying to get his attention for a while. Jisung has missed that completely.

"I'm sorry?" he says, feeling a bit confused by how floaty his mind is.

"I was just asking how it went in there?" Chan repeats, trying not to sound worried even though he's obviously concerned. "How are you feeling?"

Jisung's eyes drift to Jeongin before he responds. The younger is also looking at him, not managing to hide his concern as well as Chan.

"Uh, I feel fine, I guess. Didn't pass out this time."

Chan seems to search his face for something before he nods. He then turns to Jeongin.

"Innie, could you go get him something to drink from the vending machine?"

The youngest nods and gets up. Jisung barely notices him leaving, too focused on the way his foot is tapping against the floor, and how Hyunjin is still holding onto his hand. It's grounding. He appreciates that.

The other members all return to the waiting room one by one. Jisung gets to borrow headphones from Seungmin and doesn't really talk to any of them, instead trying to focus on the music while he calms down. He drinks the juice that Jeongin buys him from the vending machine. Hyunjin doesn't leave his side, and neither does anyone else. The shitty feeling fades away slowly.

He spends maybe ten minutes in the waiting room before the rest of the members are done. Once they are, he walks with everyone to the car, still holding Hyunjin hand and still with Seungmin's headphones over his ears. His legs feel a bit weak, and his thoughts aren't exactly clear right now, but it's fine. For real this time. He's doing pretty okay. This time, he can actually walk on his own, so that's already better than last time.

Minho walks up to him on the way to the cars, taking Jisung's free hand and tapping his headphones to show that he wants him to pause the music. When he does, Minho asks,

"Are you okay?"

Jisung actually feels like he is, so he nods.

"Yeah, I am. Thanks for looking after me, hyung."

He smiles at Minho. The older isn't looking at him, but he gives Jisung's hand a gentle squeeze in response.

"You don't have to thank me for that. Of course I'll look after you. We all do."

Holding both Minho's and Hyunjin's hands in his, and with Seungmin's headphones over his ears, and the rest of the members surrounding him, it's not that hard to believe. They're here for him. They'll look after him.

And Jeongin would never admit it, but he lets Jisung cuddle him as he falls asleep that night.


End file.
